I Loathe Valentine’s Day!
It’s Valentine’s Year that gets my vote

by Liv Kellgren

I loathe Valentine’s Day. Maybe that’s the wrong word. Do I detest it? Hmmm. Actually, I dread it. It looms for months, preying with its heart-wrenching expectations. As soon as I’ve recovered from last year’s tyranny, there’s another Valentine’s Day gaining on me. There’s just so much obligation packed into this one innocent day. Idea! What if, instead, we spread it out, all over the place? What if, in fact, we could dabble a little sprinkling of the love glitter each and every day? Valentine’s Day for the other 364 days a year? A Year-Round Romance? Yes, let’s!

Year-Round Romancing Yourself. What makes you feel romanced? What are those romantic things that a friend or lover can do for you, or to you? Many years ago, a friend borrowed my car and when she returned it, the tank was full. Dizzy with gratitude, I stared at the gauge as if I had opened a door to another magical world. At that moment, I realized that little magical gesture was love itself. And it was then that I met a new person, whose name is Myself. She experiences every emotion and situation I do, but if I don’t take care of her, love her, romance her, who will? Since then, I no longer wait until the last moment to fill the tank; if I’ve got a busy day on my calendar, I fill up the day before so my car is ready to go first thing in the morning. Myself is so delighted. I look at that gauge, grateful and amazed that I’ve thought about Myself that way. I’ve also started romancing Myself in other ways. I’m now treating Myself as I would want a lover or partner to treat Myself: I dress up a little bit each day (Myself likes to wear my jewelry), I’ve invested in designer sheets and bedding, I buy Myself fresh flowers, I take Myself out to lunch, I bring home a bottle of wine that’s not two-buck chuck. I now romance Myself every single day. So, with the Year-Round Romancing in mind, what would you want for Yourself? Massage? Sunset walks on the beach? Bubble bath? Dinner and dancing? Don’t wait for someone else to do it for you, or to inspire you. You deserve only all the good things.

Om-work: Make a list of those thoughtful tasks, that when done, make Yourself feel loved, appreciated and respected. Now do one of those things for Yourself each day this week.

Year-Round Romancing the Home. Broken appliances, burned out light bulbs, missing handles, cracked windows, torn fabric, faded window shades, broken doors—none of these are very romantic. Do You need a workday with dancing music and WD-40? A honey-do list? A honey-do? If you’ve got the time and/or the budget, fix, repair, or replace those squeakers as soon as possible. They squeak each time Yourself passes by, the small reminders creating unconscious feelings of unworthiness, exhaustion, struggle and lack of resources. Overtime, these unconscious feelings become deeply engrained beliefs. Myself and Yourself both deserve better.

A few years ago, I dropped by a neighbor’s house to pick something up. “You can’t come in!” She threw herself in front of the front door. “It’s such a mess and I don’t want anyone to see it.” I cut to the chase, “But what about you? You and your family, you see the rest of the house.” “But it’s just us.” A few minutes later, she finally got it. What if You were the guest in your house? How would You want to be received and appreciated? Although it was a yearlong process to clean everything up and get the rest of her family on board, her daily experience has been dramatically enhanced — an improved relationship with her husband, their weight loss and renewed health are what she talks about first. “Once you start to take care of Yourself, every day is more filled with love than the last.”

Om-work: Take a look around the room you’re in now. Wherever that is. Is this a place where anyone and everyone is welcome at any moment? If so, why? If not, what would You change? Why? Who would You invite?

Year-Round Romancing in the Kitchen. When we feel good in our bodies, it’s easier to have the energy to love ourselves. Everything in the kitchen should support only Your healthy, loving choices. Throw out processed and expired foods, wipe down the shelves, get the crumbs out of the corners, match up the plastics and throw out the extra lids, let go of broken or chipped dishes, put the most commonly used items within easy reach while rarely used items live in places that require a longer reach or a ladder. It can all be easy and delightful, every day.

Om-work: Open your fridge. Ask Yourself the following questions: Would You share this food at a party? Would You bring this food home for a loved one? How does Your body feel when You eat this food? Are You satisfied? Do You feel empowered? Does it make You feel sexy or sensual? Does it satisfy all Your senses? Notice Your answers and adjust any choices accordingly.

Year-Round Romancing in the Dining Room. The dining room has been sorely neglected in recent years – otherwise used as the office, the storeroom, the playroom. On the go, food fits in our hand or pocket, we’ll eat in the car, at our desk, in bed or in front of the TV. But it’s easy to return the dining room to its natural state where romance can be Yours for the taking – each and every day. Find or create a dedicated dinning place where you can eat, uninterrupted for at least 20 minutes. The longer You linger, the more delicious the food becomes.

Om-work: Your next mealtime, sit down with Yourself for a nice meal. Turn off the cell phone, use the good china, the real wine glasses, a cloth napkin if so inclined. Make mental notes of how you feel, what doesn’t work for You and what does. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Year-Round Romancing at Work. I admitted to Myself that it’s difficult to romance at work – work is where we get stuff done, multi-task, focus. But there are ways:

1. If You’re on the phone regularly, get Yourself a headset. It will save hours – and muscles.
2. Keep your desktop clean and clear for projects as they come and go. I always spend Friday afternoon taking care of the week’s business, so Monday is as fresh as a daisy. Myself really appreciates it.
3. Do a seasonal deep clean along the baseboards, under the desk, in the drawers, behind the furniture, between the seat cushions, over the whiteboard. Old energies can get trapped and this lifts them out and away.
4. Om-work: Next time You’re at work, spend 15 minutes and finish up that to-do pile, take out the recycling, wipe down that dusty surface, rearrange the cords under the desk, dedicate just 15 minutes to take care of a little thing that’s been nagging You.

Year-Round Romancing in the Bath. The bath isn’t just for getting clean anymore. It can be a sensual bonanza with all the scents, textures, sights and sounds. “I love baths, I just don’t have time.” Make the time for Yourself. “Ohhhh that smells really good! I’ll buy it as a gift for Myself!” Please do! My brother recently replaced all his old, ripped, thread bare, stained towels with just a few brand new white, fluffy grown-up sized bath towels. He said he felt like a rockstar every time he got out of the shower. “Quality over quantity, sista.” Couldn’t have said it better myself, bro.

Om-work: Take a good look at your bathroom routine. What’s pulling You down? What needs to be let go? What can be enhanced? Replaced? Enjoyed? Then make that first step toward spa-ing up Your entire experience.

Year-Round Romancing with People. Flirt. Flirt in the car, flirt at the grocery store, flirt with the check out girl, flirt on the phone, flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt. Why? Just at the mention of flirting, a dear friend, he says, “But then people will think I’m interested in them!” Yep. Make eye contact, listen, meet new people, reconnect with old friends, be confident, laugh, smile, giggle, touch an arm, squeeze a hand, be happy, hug, kiss, show off—Wear clothes that make you feel dashing, cute, popular, sassy, cool or whatever the feeling is that stirs you all up and makes you happy with Yourself. Be interested in what people have to say, give them a compliment, acknowledge their hard work or brilliant contribution.

This isn’t about getting the most phone numbers; this is about romancing Yourself and all the other Selves in your community.

Om-work: at least once a day, really connect with someone. Let go of the all-too-easy “How’re you. Fine. You. Great. Thanks.” And REALLY ask, make eye contact, and really listen to their answer. Extra credit – notice something beautiful or unique about them or their choices and acknowledge it.

And, as You know, a little bit of acknowledgment every day can go a long way. Enjoy Your Romance!

Conscious Environments combines Essential Feng Shui and Environmental Psychology so you can have both what you want and what you need. For more information about Conscious Environments, or to register for a Create your own 2010 Vision Board workshop: www.ConsciousEnvironments.com. Currently scheduled workshops: February 6, 9am–9pm in Encinitas, CA and February 27, 9am–9pm in San Diego, CA. Stop in anytime during the day and create your Vision Board.