Transformational Talk
Fantasies Getting in
the Way of Reality?
Are your fantasies getting in the way of reality? When we're in an infuriating job, an unfulfilling relationship, or big financial mess, we imagine leaving—finding a place where we're appreciated, or winning the lottery. Escape fantasies do a good, immediate job of relieving pressure because our psyches don't know the difference between a vivid daydream and real life. Fantasies of fulfillment also serve to help us see new possibilities. However, fantasies are only a temporary fix, as our bodies can't sustain the disparity. Bodies live in the real world! Prolonging fantasies soon depletes our will, drains our motivation and prevents us from taking corrective action. As tension builds, we get sick, or seek stronger denial through affairs, alcohol, gambling, etc.
Here's a tip. First, see if you're ready for real change. Be sure you feel safe and supported enough to move forward. If yes, whenever you become conscious that you're fantasizing, stop. Shift your focus to a specific, current complaint in the same arena as the fantasy. You do get to choose where to focus your awareness. Next, and this is really hard and really empowering, look closely for how you contribute to the problem. Take your time with this. Allow this refocusing to regenerate your confidence. Carefully formulate a step by step plan for what you can do to make things better. Finally, take courage, take action and discover the invigorating truth: you can be your own hero. © Penelope Andrade, LCSW 858/ 481-5752; fax: 858/484-8374; E-mail: penart@abac.com; Web site: www.penelopetalk.com
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